Relationship
by Mark Manson
What makes a man attractive?
Most dating advice for men sells lines and routines. Mark Manson, a former dating coach, thinks it gets things backwards. His answer is simpler, and harder to do. Become a man who is honest about who he is and what he wants, and who doesn't need everyone's approval.
Hear a sample · read by Laura
Manson defines neediness as caring more about how others see you than how you see yourself. A needy man changes his opinions to please, laughs at jokes he doesn't find funny and chases approval. Women pick up on it, he says, and it kills attraction.
Trying to be liked by everyone makes you bland, so most women feel nothing much either way. Manson says being honest about yourself polarises people. Some women will be put off, and the right ones will be drawn in. A clear no is far more useful than a lukewarm maybe.
Manson argues that vulnerability is attractive. Walking up to a woman and telling her you'd like to get to know her risks a no. Doing it anyway shows you're comfortable enough with yourself to take that risk. Hiding your interest to look cool shows the opposite.
If you're honest, plenty of women won't like what they see. Manson treats that as good news. A rejection tells you quickly that someone isn't a match, and saves you both months. Hiding who you are avoids it, but then the wrong people fall for the mask.
Manson splits his practical advice into honest living, honest action and honest communication. Get your own life in order first, with your health, friends and purpose. Then act on your interest instead of waiting for a perfect moment. Then say what you think and want, plainly.
Neediness
Neediness is living for other people's approval, and it's the least attractive trait there is.
Vulnerability
Show who you really are, flaws included. That openness is what draws people in.
Polarising
Being honest will put some people off. That's useful, because it filters out the wrong ones.
Honest action
If you like someone, tell them and act on it instead of hiding it.
Rejection
A no usually means you weren't a good fit. It says little about your worth.
Hot take · true or myth?
Getting rejected means you did something wrong.
Myth. Manson sees rejection as the price of being honest. Often it just tells you someone isn't a match, and that saves you both time.
One thing to try
This week, when you'd normally play it cool, say what you actually think. Tell someone you enjoyed their company and would like to see them again, or give an honest opinion in a group. Notice how it feels, whatever the answer.
Knotd has the key ideas from 250+ non-fiction books, each in a few minutes, in plain words. Models comes with a Hot Take round and a Spot the Trap case to make it stick.
Get the whole book on KnotdOpen in the appWhat makes a man attractive? Most dating advice for men sells lines and routines. Mark Manson, a former dating coach, thinks it gets things backwards. His answer is simpler, and harder to do. Become a man who is honest about who he is and what he wants, and who doesn't need everyone's approval.
Neediness is the problem; Polarise on purpose; Vulnerability as strength; Rejection is a filter; Live, act, speak honestly.
This week, when you'd normally play it cool, say what you actually think. Tell someone you enjoyed their company and would like to see them again, or give an honest opinion in a group. Notice how it feels, whatever the answer.
Yes. Knotd has the key ideas from Models in a few minutes, in plain words, plus a Hot Take round and a Spot the Trap case to test them. It's one of 250+ non-fiction books in the app.
