Observe without judging
Say what happened the way a camera would record it. Rosenberg quotes the philosopher Krishnamurti, who called observing without evaluating the highest form of human intelligence.
Communication
Nonviolent Communication
by Marshall Rosenberg
Why kind people talk harshly
Marshall Rosenberg, a psychologist, noticed that most hurtful talk isn't meant to wound. It comes from habits of speech we learned young, like labelling people and making demands. His method replaces them with four plain steps, which he calls observations, feelings, needs and requests.
Hear a sample · read by Laura
What you'll learn
- Observe without judging
- Name the real feeling
- Feelings point to needs
- A request allows a no
The key ideas in Nonviolent Communication
Name the real feeling
Rosenberg asks for words that describe you, like lonely, anxious or fed up. The other person can hear those without having to defend themselves.
Feelings point to needs
Rosenberg says other people's actions can trigger our feelings, but the cause lies in our own needs, met or unmet, such as rest, respect or being heard.
A request allows a no
A request asks for a specific action, in positive words. It only counts as a request if no is an acceptable answer. Rosenberg says that when people hear a demand, they feel they can only give in or rebel.
Lines worth underlining
Labels
Labels like lazy or selfish make people defend themselves instead of hearing you.
Observe
Describe what happened the way a camera would see it, with no judgement added.
Feelings
Saying you feel ignored is really a guess about them. Saying you feel lonely is a feeling.
Needs
Behind every feeling is a need. Name the need, and people have a chance to meet it.
Requests
Ask for something clear and doable. If saying no gets punished, it was a demand.
A story from the book
'Murderer!' in Bethlehem
at him, the American. Rosenberg answered by guessing aloud at the man's feelings and needs. Soon afterwards, the same man invited him home for a Ramadan dinner.
One thing to try
Write one four-part sentence
Pick a small irritation at home. Keep the first part to what a camera could see. Say it out loud to the person this week.
There's more to Nonviolent Communication
Knotd has the key ideas from 250+ non-fiction books, each in a few minutes, in plain words. Nonviolent Communication comes with a Spot the Trap case to make it stick.
Get the whole book on KnotdOpen in the appQuestions about Nonviolent Communication
What is Nonviolent Communication about?
Why kind people talk harshly Marshall Rosenberg, a psychologist, noticed that most hurtful talk isn't meant to wound. It comes from habits of speech we learned young, like labelling people and making demands. His method replaces them with four plain steps, which he calls observations, feelings, needs and requests.
What are the key ideas in Nonviolent Communication?
Observe without judging; Name the real feeling; Feelings point to needs; A request allows a no.
What's one thing to try from Nonviolent Communication?
Pick a small irritation at home. Keep the first part to what a camera could see. Say it out loud to the person this week.
Is Nonviolent Communication on Knotd?
Yes. Knotd has the key ideas from Nonviolent Communication in a few minutes, in plain words, plus a Spot the Trap case to test them. It's one of 250+ non-fiction books in the app.
