Communication
by Dale Carnegie
Why people dig in when criticised
Dale Carnegie noticed that almost nobody believes they're in the wrong. Criticise someone and they defend themselves harder. His 1936 book is a set of plain rules for getting people on your side instead, and it is still in print.
Hear a sample · read by Laura
Carnegie's first rule is not to criticise, condemn or complain. It wounds pride and breeds resentment. After Gettysburg, Lincoln wrote a furious letter to General Meade for letting the enemy escape. He never sent it. It was found among his papers after he died.
At a dinner party Carnegie spent the evening listening to a botanist talk about plants, and barely said a word. As the party broke up, the botanist told the host Carnegie was a most interesting conversationalist. People warm to whoever is interested in them.
To most people, their own name is the sweetest sound there is. Andrew Carnegie, the steel tycoon (no relation), named a new steelworks after J. Edgar Thomson, the head of the Pennsylvania Railroad. When the railroad needed rails, it bought them from him.
Carnegie says the only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. Win, and the other person feels smaller and resents you. Lose, and you've lost. Show respect for their opinion and never tell someone flatly that they're wrong.
Criticism
Criticism makes people defensive and rarely changes them. Try to understand them instead.
Appreciation
Tell people what you honestly admire about them. Flattery is cheap, and people can tell.
What they want
To get someone to act, talk about what they want.
Interest
Show real interest in other people. Ask about their lives and care about the answers.
Names
Remember people's names and use them. It tells them they matter to you.
A story from the book
During the shoot-out he wrote a letter saying that under his coat was a weary but kind heart that would harm nobody. If he felt misjudged, Carnegie asks, who doesn't?
Hot take · true or myth?
Flattery is a quick way to make people like you.
Myth. Carnegie separates flattery from appreciation. Flattery is insincere and people see through it. Honest, specific appreciation is what he tells you to give.
One thing to try
Carnegie found people take up an idea far more readily when it feels like their own.
Knotd has the key ideas from 250+ non-fiction books, each in a few minutes, in plain words. How to Win Friends and Influence People comes with a Hot Take round to make it stick.
Get the whole book on KnotdOpen in the appWhy people dig in when criticised Dale Carnegie noticed that almost nobody believes they're in the wrong. Criticise someone and they defend themselves harder. His 1936 book is a set of plain rules for getting people on your side instead, and it is still in print.
No criticism, no complaints; The quiet conversationalist; The sweetest sound; You can't win an argument.
Carnegie found people take up an idea far more readily when it feels like their own.
Yes. Knotd has the key ideas from How to Win Friends and Influence People in a few minutes, in plain words, plus a Hot Take round to test them. It's one of 250+ non-fiction books in the app.
