Mindfulness
by Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu and Douglas Abrams
Can you be joyful and still hurt?
In 2015 Desmond Tutu travelled to Dharamsala to spend a week with the Dalai Lama, who was about to turn 80. One had lived in exile since 1959, the other through apartheid, and both laughed constantly. Douglas Abrams asked them how anyone finds joy when suffering can't be avoided.
Hear a sample · read by Laura
Tutu draws a line between the two. Happiness depends on things going your way, so it rises and falls with your luck. Joy runs deeper and can sit alongside grief. Neither man thinks you have to wait for your troubles to end before you're allowed to feel it.
Abrams draws eight pillars of joy from the week. The first four are habits of thought. Perspective, seeing a setback from a wider angle. Humility, remembering you're one of billions. Humour, especially at your own expense. Acceptance, starting from things as they are instead of how you wish they were.
The other four, which face outwards, are forgiveness, gratitude, compassion and generosity. Tutu, who chaired South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission, says you can forgive someone and still want them held to account. Forgiving lets you put down a grudge that was hurting you more than them.
That's the Dalai Lama's phrase for why caring about others is in your own interest. Thinking only about yourself shrinks your world until small troubles fill it. Turning towards other people's problems widens it again. Helping others is the smartest way to help yourself.
From within
Joy depends less on what happens to us than on how we meet it.
Hard times
Sadness and hardship can't be avoided, but they can make us kinder to others.
Perspective
Step back and see the bigger picture. Your own trouble often shrinks when you do.
Laughter
Tutu and the Dalai Lama laughed and teased each other all week. Humour keeps pride small.
Forgiveness
Forgiving someone sets you free. It doesn't mean saying that what they did was fine.
A story from the book
The Dalai Lama tells of a monk who spent years in Chinese prisons. Asked by the Dalai Lama if he'd ever been in danger, he said yes. He had come close to losing his compassion for his Chinese jailers. That, to him, was the real threat.
Hot take · true or myth?
Joy and happiness are the same thing.
Myth. Tutu calls joy much bigger. Happiness rises and falls with your circumstances, while joy can survive bad news and even sit alongside grief.
One thing to try
Pick something that went wrong this week, a lost contract or a row with your brother. The Dalai Lama says exile also brought him chances, like meeting people he'd never have met in Tibet. Write down one thing your setback has made possible, or still might.
Knotd has the key ideas from 250+ non-fiction books, each in a few minutes, in plain words. The Book of Joy comes with a Hot Take round to make it stick.
Get the whole book on KnotdOpen in the appCan you be joyful and still hurt? In 2015 Desmond Tutu travelled to Dharamsala to spend a week with the Dalai Lama, who was about to turn 80. One had lived in exile since 1959, the other through apartheid, and both laughed constantly. Douglas Abrams asked them how anyone finds joy when suffering can't be avoided.
Joy is bigger than happiness; Four pillars of the mind; Four pillars of the heart; Wise selfishness.
Pick something that went wrong this week, a lost contract or a row with your brother. The Dalai Lama says exile also brought him chances, like meeting people he'd never have met in Tibet. Write down one thing your setback has made possible, or still might.
Yes. Knotd has the key ideas from The Book of Joy in a few minutes, in plain words, plus a Hot Take round to test them. It's one of 250+ non-fiction books in the app.
