Habits
by Gretchen Rubin
Why won't one plan fit everyone?
Gretchen Rubin kept noticing that advice which works wonders for one friend does nothing for another. Some people thrive on a strict challenge. Others rebel against it by day two. Her starting point is to know yourself first, then choose strategies that suit you.
Hear a sample · read by Laura
Rubin sorts people by how they respond to expectations. Upholders meet other people's and their own. Questioners meet only the ones that make sense to them. Obligers meet other people's but struggle with their own. Rebels resist both.
If you never miss a deadline for a colleague but keep skipping your own run, you may be an Obliger. Rubin's fix is outer accountability, like a friend waiting at the park gate or a class you've already paid for.
Some people find it easier to have none than to have a little. Rubin is an Abstainer, so she gives certain foods up entirely instead of rationing them. Moderators do better with the odd treat, because a strict ban makes them want it more.
Whatever your Tendency, Rubin says four strategies help. Monitoring means keeping track of what you do. Foundation means sorting out sleep, exercise, food and clutter first. Scheduling gives a habit a fixed time. Accountability means someone, or something, checks.
Four Tendencies
Rubin sorts people by how they meet expectations: Upholders, Questioners, Obligers and Rebels. Each needs a different habit plan.
Abstainers
Some people do better cutting a treat out completely, while others do fine with a little.
Monitoring
Keeping track of what you actually do, like what you eat or spend, makes it easier to change.
Obligers
Obligers keep promises to others more easily than to themselves, so outside accountability helps them most.
Convenience
Make good habits easier to do and bad ones more of a hassle.
A story from the book
Most habits change slowly. But after reading Gary Taubes's Why We Get Fat, Rubin changed the way she ate almost overnight. She calls a sudden shift like that a Lightning Bolt. You can't plan one, but you can notice it and act fast.
One thing to try
Think of the last promise you broke to yourself and the last one you kept for someone else. If keeping promises to others is easier, give your next habit an Obliger's fix. Tell a friend exactly when you'll do it.
Knotd has the key ideas from 250+ non-fiction books, each in a few minutes, in plain words. Better Than Before comes with a Name That Idea round and a Spot the Trap case to make it stick.
Get the whole book on KnotdOpen in the appWhy won't one plan fit everyone? Gretchen Rubin kept noticing that advice which works wonders for one friend does nothing for another. Some people thrive on a strict challenge. Others rebel against it by day two. Her starting point is to know yourself first, then choose strategies that suit you.
The Four Tendencies; Obligers need someone waiting; Abstainer or Moderator?; Four pillars for everyone.
Think of the last promise you broke to yourself and the last one you kept for someone else. If keeping promises to others is easier, give your next habit an Obliger's fix. Tell a friend exactly when you'll do it.
Yes. Knotd has the key ideas from Better Than Before in a few minutes, in plain words, plus a Name That Idea round and a Spot the Trap case to test them. It's one of 250+ non-fiction books in the app.
