Be impeccable with your word
The first agreement. Say only what you mean, and don't use words against yourself or anyone else. He treats gossip as the worst offender, spreading from mind to mind like a computer virus.
Self-Improvement
The Four Agreements
by Don Miguel Ruiz
Whose rules are you living by?
Don Miguel Ruiz, a surgeon turned teacher of Toltec wisdom, says children are trained by reward and punishment to accept agreements about who they are and how life should be. He calls it the domestication of humans. Many of those agreements cause suffering, so he offers four new ones.
Hear a sample · read by Laura
What you'll learn
- Be impeccable with your word
- Don't take anything personally
- Don't make assumptions
- Always do your best
The key ideas in The Four Agreements
Don't take anything personally
The second agreement. What others say and do comes from their own agreements and view of the world, Ruiz says, so it tells you about them. That goes for praise as much as insults. Taking things personally, he writes, is personal importance, the belief that everything is about you.
Don't make assumptions
The third agreement. We guess what others are thinking, believe the guess, then take it personally and blame them. Ruiz sees this often in couples, each expecting the other to know what they want without being told. His remedy is to ask questions and say plainly what you want.
Always do your best
The fourth agreement lets you keep the other three. Your best changes from day to day, and it's lower when you're tired or ill. Do less and you'll judge yourself. Push beyond it and you drain yourself. Do your best and the Judge, Ruiz's inner critic, has nothing to punish.
Lines worth underlining
Old agreements
Most of what you believe about yourself was taught to you as a child, and you agreed to it.
Your word
Say only what you mean, and never use words to hurt anyone, including yourself.
Their world
Other people's words come from their own world. What they say is rarely about you.
Assumptions
Instead of guessing what someone means, ask. Guesses we treat as facts cause a lot of hurt.
Your best
Do the best you can today. Your best will change from day to day, and that's fine.
A story from the book
The girl who stopped singing
Ruiz tells of a mother with a pounding headache who snaps at her singing daughter to stop, because her voice is ugly. The girl believes it. She stops singing and carries the belief for years. One careless sentence, spoken on a bad day, became an agreement.
One thing to try
Ask before you assume
This week, catch one assumption before you act on it. When a friend doesn't reply or your boss seems cold, ask a plain question instead of writing the story yourself. Ruiz's view is that one clear question heads off a great deal of drama.
There's more to The Four Agreements
Knotd has the key ideas from 250+ non-fiction books, each in a few minutes, in plain words. The Four Agreements comes with a Spot the Trap case to make it stick.
Get the whole book on KnotdOpen in the appQuestions about The Four Agreements
What is The Four Agreements about?
Whose rules are you living by? Don Miguel Ruiz, a surgeon turned teacher of Toltec wisdom, says children are trained by reward and punishment to accept agreements about who they are and how life should be. He calls it the domestication of humans. Many of those agreements cause suffering, so he offers four new ones.
What are the key ideas in The Four Agreements?
Be impeccable with your word; Don't take anything personally; Don't make assumptions; Always do your best.
What's one thing to try from The Four Agreements?
This week, catch one assumption before you act on it. When a friend doesn't reply or your boss seems cold, ask a plain question instead of writing the story yourself. Ruiz's view is that one clear question heads off a great deal of drama.
Is The Four Agreements on Knotd?
Yes. Knotd has the key ideas from The Four Agreements in a few minutes, in plain words, plus a Spot the Trap case to test them. It's one of 250+ non-fiction books in the app.