Career
by Meg Jay
Do your twenties really count?
Meg Jay is a clinical psychologist who has spent years listening to people in their twenties. Many treat the decade as a warm-up, a time to drift before real life starts at thirty. Jay thinks that's an expensive mistake, because so much of adult life gets set in these years.
Hear a sample · read by Laura
Jay borrows the term from the sociologist James Côté. Identity capital is everything you can show about yourself, from qualifications and jobs to the problems you've solved and the way you talk about them. Each piece is something to trade for the next opportunity, so pick work that adds some.
Twentysomethings tend to stick with a close group of friends, which Jay calls the urban tribe. The trouble is that close friends mostly know what you know. Drawing on Mark Granovetter's research, Jay says new jobs and ideas tend to arrive through weak ties, the people you only half know.
Jay compares twentysomethings to planes that have just taken off from Los Angeles, heading west. A tiny change of course soon after take-off decides whether you land in Alaska or Fiji. One class, one job or one relationship now can move you a long way later.
The frontal lobe, the part of the brain that plans and weighs up consequences, is still maturing through the twenties. Jay sees this as good news. The brain has its last big growth spurt in these years, so what you practise now helps shape the adult you turn into.
Plenty of couples move in together because it's cheaper or easier, without ever choosing to. Jay borrows a phrase from relationship researchers for this, sliding rather than deciding. A shared lease, furniture and a dog then make it much harder to leave a relationship that isn't right.
No warm-up
Your twenties are not a warm-up. Choices made now shape the rest of your adult life.
Identity capital
Collect identity capital, the jobs and skills that show who you are and open the next door.
Weak ties
New jobs and chances usually come from weak ties, the people you barely know.
What you know
Admit the thing you already know you want, even if saying it scares you.
Sliding
Moving in together is a big step, yet many couples slide into it rather than decide.
Hot take · true or myth?
The first ten years of your career have a huge effect on your lifetime pay.
True. Jay points out that most of the growth in people's earnings happens early in their careers. Starting late, or drifting for years, is hard to make up for afterwards.
One thing to try
List five people you know slightly, such as a former tutor, a friend's older sister or someone from an old job. Pick the one closest to work you'd like to do. Send them a short message today asking for twenty minutes and one piece of advice.
Knotd has the key ideas from 250+ non-fiction books, each in a few minutes, in plain words. The Defining Decade comes with a Hot Take round and a Your Move story to make it stick.
Get the whole book on KnotdOpen in the appDo your twenties really count? Meg Jay is a clinical psychologist who has spent years listening to people in their twenties. Many treat the decade as a warm-up, a time to drift before real life starts at thirty. Jay thinks that's an expensive mistake, because so much of adult life gets set in these years.
Get identity capital; Friends of friends; Alaska or Fiji; A brain still being built; Sliding, not deciding.
List five people you know slightly, such as a former tutor, a friend's older sister or someone from an old job. Pick the one closest to work you'd like to do. Send them a short message today asking for twenty minutes and one piece of advice.
Yes. Knotd has the key ideas from The Defining Decade in a few minutes, in plain words, plus a Hot Take round and a Your Move story to test them. It's one of 250+ non-fiction books in the app.
